Why Are You So Absent?

Some reasons for my two week hiatus:

Flu - Feeling Lousy Unrelentingly. Whatever I have, H1N1 or H5N1 or HEINY or Dopey or Grumpy, this is one mean bug that settles in the bronchi and just sits in there and tickles you to death.

OLYMPICS - We've already been through this one. The last week was very exciting especially for us Canadians so it was difficult not to get stuck all day in front of the tube.There isn't a lot more to say but I have a comment or two.

• Where do Speed skaters go for their street clothes?Those glutes and vasti extremi won't slide into your ordinary Levi 501's without some lubrication or outsizing.
• These could have been called the "Beautiful Olympics." if you're extremely shallow. There were seriously high numbers of very attractive people participating, with the possible exception of Kevin Martin. Some of those bobsledders (the guys) were as homely as pickle barrels too but all in all Beauties outscored Beasts.
  
• We should have had another week of competition so that "Win the Podium" could have succeeded completely. New competitions might include "Archathalon," a combination of archery and cross-country skiing. "Remote juggling" could be judged on YouTube with varying degrees of difficulty as the number and volatility of the remotes increases. Snow-finding would be a useful competition and probably very lucrative.
• WTG Canada!!!!!!!!!!!!

Solution for Mini-cryptic Puzzle #4

Across:
1. ogees (SEE, GO reversal)
5. Etna (NEAT anagram)
6. test (two meanings)
7. dairy (RAID anagram+Y)

Down:
2. Grantor (GRANT+OR)
3. emboss (EM+BOSS)
4. strata (A START anagram)

Movie: STARGATE

Why Are You So Unsporting?

OLYMPICS

Our Leading Youth Masterfully Participating In Competitive Sports

Stephen Colbert who? When we need some patronizing right-wing anti-social diatribe delivered by a pudgy, nerdy, stone-faced, unfunny neo-con, we'll call on our Prime Minister, thank you very much. In the meantime, as Spiro Agnew used to say, "Love it or leave it." Aw, is he gone already? Pity.

Some people are upset with the scores of the woman's football, sorry, I mean hockey scores. There's even talk about voting the event out of the Winter Olympics because of lack of competition. It would be a travesty if woman's hockey were removed from the games just as it is a travesty that woman's ski jump is not part of the Games.

Maybe Team I.O.C. should vote out some other activities first. How about the TEAM IOC GORGING events? Eat and drink to excess at will. TEAM IOC EXCESSIVE WORLD TRAVEL TO INSPECT VENUES events.could be cut back maybe. TEAM IOC is the only team allowed to participate in these sports and there seems to be no age limit.

Here's a hot, hitherto undiscovered fact, a real news flash! The bobsled/luge/skeleton track is dangerous! Getting into a cage with a 900lb gorilla is dangerous. Formula 1 racing is dangerous. Base-jumping is dangerous. Here's a venue that has as one of it's event names, the part that's left of your body if you make it down successfully. Of course it's dangerous. The Downhill course is dangerous too. No one should have to lose their lives for their sport but these are inherently dangerous and the athletes know it. No one is to blame.

Two one-hundredths of a second is not a particularly long time. Driving (or skating) at 100km/h you would move about 55cm or 22in. That was the distance between our own winner Christine Nesbitt and Dutch skater Gerritson. That's not very much but a better margin by which to win than to lose.

So the British Press is unhappy with Vanoc and the Games. That's not very sporting now is it chaps? After all 2012 is not far away and what comes around goes around. In a country where one can hardly swing a Yorkshire terrier there may a slight hitch here and there to which the world's attention may have to be drawn. The Queen may still be our Head of State but we can change, if we have to. President Harper sounds no worse than Prime Minister Harper.

Copyright 2010 Stargeazer

Why Are You So Half-Baked?

Bread - The Staff of Life

(Bake Responsibly Employing All the Dough.)

Have you seen Food Inc.? I'm not really sure if you should see it on an empty or full stomach, but you should see it. It is a mind-opening, albeit discouraging, documentary.

At least some food producers are making attempts to raise and distribute organic, ethical and humane crops and meats. It made me wonder where yeast fits into the fabric of life. Is it a plant or animal? Should vegans avoid yeast and yeast products?

Yeasts are fungi as it turns out. Saccharomyces_cerevisiae is the name of the fungus responsible for beer, wine, cheese, yogurt, vinegar, sauerkraut, sourdough doughnuts; and of course, bread. The taming of the yeast was probably more important to kitchen civilization than "The Taming of the Shrew," but there's really no need to go there right now. The picture above shows Cinnamon Pecan Sticky Buns, a calorie-enriched distant relative of what is often called "The Staff of Life."

Bread is a staple without which one's life can be miserable at worst and mundane at best. Not only is it a staple around the world, but variations have become delicacies. Bread has "terroire" as wine and cheeses do and the yeast mixed with the huge numbers of grain flour varieties, gives us an abundance of bread types, ranging from dark, dense German "Rogenbrot" to delicate, airy croissants. Vive la patisserie Francaise!

If you don't have a bread machine or food processor, get one! We'll wait. It's worth it. Besides, we're going to make a braided egg bread, or Challah and we'll be counting on the machinery to do the initial mixing and kneading. This recipe makes a 24 oz loaf that will be gone before you can even begin to think about what fabulous French Toast this would make in the morning. So here are the instructions with a few pictures for reference.



Ingredients (in the order recommended
by your machine)
3/4 cup water
1/4 cup butter
2 eggs
1 yolk (save the white for an egg wash)
2 tbsp sugar
1-1/2 tsp salt
3 cups white bread flour
2-1/4 tsp active dry yeast
poppy seed or sesame seed
Egg wash - white + 1 tbsp water
Whisk vigorously.

Set machine on "Dough" cycle

After finishing in machine, remove dough and punch down.

Divide dough into 3 equal portions and roll into 15"-18" strands.

Pinch the ends of the strands firmly together and braid the strands.

Pinch the other ends together.

Place on a lightly greased sheet in a warm place.

Cover and allow to rise, doubling in size.

Brush with the egg wash and sprinkle with poppy seed or sesame seed.

Bake at 375F for 20-25 minutes.







Bet you can't wait until it cools before trying some!
















The following was awarded 3rd prize in the Leacock Festival Limerick Contest a few years ago.

Said a bread baker's wife in Schenectady,
There's a dozen now have the vasectomy.
But with thoughts of a knife
Near his own staff of life,
He insisted his tubes should connected be.

Copyright 2010 Stargeazer

Why Are You So Puzzled? (4)

PUZZLE #3 ANSWERS:

Across: 1. Swipe 5. Tune 6. Bali, 7. Strep
Down: 2. Warsaw 3. Patriot 4. insane
Sign: WET PAINT

Why Are You So Challenged?

It's Saturday February 13, 2010. Happy Valentine's Day tomorrow and Happy Family Day on Monday. Today's the day the secret of THE CHALLENGER is revealed. You'll find it on P7, in the puzzles and comics section of the Saturday Star. Get over it! Go buy one.

For reference let's number the rows 1 to 6 from bottom to top and the columns will be 1 to 5 from left to right.

The fist thing to look for is a row or column with a low total. Look at column 3. Subtract the given number,6 , from the total of 12 for the column and we have 6 left to make up in that column. This can be made up with a 4 and 2-ones. But where to place them? Consider row 4. If the 4 is placed in the third square , the ones go above and below it.

The current total then for row 4 is 7. Subtract this from 25, leaving 18. This must be made up with 2-nines.

Looking for similar relationships, check column 4. 16-9-2=5 which is made up with a 4 and 1-one. Place the 4 in row 3. The remaining square in row 3 must be 9. The rest of the puzzle is duck soup, as the Marx brothers would say.

Let me know whether or not this makes any sense at all.

Why Are You So Caught Up?

CAUGHT - Can't Actually Understand the Gravity of His Trysts



Tiger Woods - CAUGHT.

Lord Black of Cross Harbour - CAUGHT

Bernie Madoff - CAUGHT

John Edwards - CAUGHT

Adam Giambrone - CAUGHT

Eliot Spitzer - CAUGHT

30 Would-be Winter Olympians - CAUGHT

Bill Clinton - CAUGHT

Two Pound Smallmouth Bass - CAUGHT (and released)

Why Are You So Longing for Summer?

"Oh the Summer sky!"









"It's OK Granddad. We can catch him again." (Photo by Matthew Nitsch)

























Not to mention........

















































Copyright 2010 by Stargeazer











It won't be long now!