Why Are You So Manipulative?

The PMO - The Prime Minister's Office

The PMO is a number of things. It is the space that the PM occupies when he is at work on Parliament Hill. It is the entire entourage of handlers, advisors, media liaison and other staffers who help the PM carry out his functions.

Legend has it that somewhere in the physical PMO is a secret panel known only to the PM by which he can gain access to the other PMO, the Puppet Master's Operations. Here, it is said, are planned, made and enacted, the political and operational strategies by which the PM runs the country.

There is in this room, according to the legend, a large, articulated map of the country made out of thirteen pieces of reinforced plasticine which is easily manipulated through the network of cables attached to them. And there are strings attached. A yank here, a tug there and a few jerks everywhere allow the Puppet Master to bring the whole amorphous blob into shape and towing the line, each piece of the map in sync with its neighbours and the whole.

Throughout the map are the heartstrings of the country. They reach everywhere and they are extremely sensitive to the proper stimulation. If they are used opportunistically or cynically they become de-sensitized. They can be tugged occasionally but woe betide the Puppet Master who overuses them because they are not unbreakable.

In another part of the other, legendary PMO is the finger puppet collection. According to rumor, the PM particularly enjoys playing with these representations of his favourite and not-so-favoured acquaintances. Opposition leaders, Premiers, Toronto Star Staff and CBC personnel figure prominently in this collection. Every day, allegedly, two are chosen as "Special Finger" puppets and are so honoured for the entire day. Unfortunately these finger puppets are all tiny and weak and don't seem to understand that they could end the manipulation if they worked together. Some day they might clue in to this.

One thing's for sure, as long as they all keep the PM's fingers warm, covered and supported, nothing much is going to change.


Copyright 2010 The Stargeazer

Why Are You So Confused?

Allow me to clear up a few things for you.

It's not very complicated and doesn't take a lot of your time. If you haven't donated to Haiti relief yet go to the nearest mirror and see if you can stand to look at yourself.

Remember when English grammar was taught in school and parts of speech were important? Prorogue is a verb or an action word that Archie Bunker may have used in the context of, "Prorogue yourself Edith." Pro is an adjective and is an abbreviation of professional, meaning highly skilled. Rogue is a noun and means a mischievous person. A Pro Rogue is a Prime Minister. More grammar lessons to come.

If you're going to "Pie" someone you should at least have the decency to use an appropriate flavour. This means that tofu should never be used, ever, for anything except "safe" hockey pucks. (I would still have all my teeth if we'd had tofu hockey pucks when I was a kid.) Shouldn't PETA have opted for a suitable flavour for a Minister of the Crown in charge of the seal hunt? Something like seal flipper pie would have made the point much more strongly and would have been less offensive.

Speaking of hockey, you know you don't have to like it to be Canadian, eh? There are no hockey questions on the Citizenship test.

Quitting smoking may be the hardest thing you will ever do but it will be the most rewarding for yourself and all those friends and family around you. Whatever you may be going through right now remember that you only want to go through it once. Don't quit more than once.