Why Are You So Mistaken??

CAUGHT IN PASSING somewhere near Ottawa



Heard in passing, "You must have misheard my misspeech when I misspoke. See I wasn't influence peddling. I was pedalling Influence!"

Why not be Amazed!

King Alfred Daffodils

"It's the most wonderful time of the year," was really written for the wrong season. It really should be a Spring song (of which they are depressingly few) rather than a Christmas song of which there really are plenty. Besides, Spring celebrates that other magical season, Easter. Spring brings with her all the hope that's been pent up for the winter. Everyone who has planted a bulb or bush last Fall has been waiting for this.



Parrot Tulip

Bloodroot


















Pulmonaria















Wood Anemone





















Hybrid Narcissus































Copyright 2010 by the Stargeazer












Helleborus

Why Are You So Skeptical?

Gardening Time has Begun









GARDEN - Get At Raking Dirt Evenly Now.

It is that time again and it has come so early. Even with that you just can't predict what you're going to see in the garden this time of year. Whether you're checking out the pansies, the daffodils or the blood-root you never know what you might see.

Even the flower buds on the fruit trees are breaking open and that might spell disaster for the fruit crop. If we get a hard frost it will kill the flower buds and that means no fruit. And no fruit means no fruits of our labours. All the maintenance of the fruit trees will be just that, maintenance.

Sour cherries come on quickly and need to be pitted before being frozen.

We really enjoy making our own apple sauce and cider or freezing apple slices from the Lodi apple in August for those late Fall apple pies. Pears are tricky to pick at just the right ripeness but keen observation and perseverance reward the grower.

So, it's hard not to be skeptical when such odd things are going on all around. I don't believe we will get a fruit crop this year no matter how much we wish it. This year may be an anomaly but this may also be another situation influenced by Global Warming.

But it's hard not to be skeptical about so many things going on today.

But, I am not skeptical about a Conservative cabinet minister going rangy over a simple security check. I am not skeptical about her husband, a former MP trying to peddle his influence, such as it may be, to friends and associates from his wife's Parliament Hill office.. No skepticism here about that.

You may be skeptical about the garden gnomes you see here. I may be brought to wondering what was in my pre-dinner Scotch and skeptical about the reputed origins of the liquid but I am not at all skeptical about the shame and disrepute these people bring to an institution which, for the most part is made of honest , hard-working and well-meaning people.

Why Are You So Fashion Concious?

I have two jackets, windbreakers actually, that I love. They are made of microfibre which means they could have been made to imitate any material, natural or synthetic, known to humankind. These happen to be like the finest kid leather ever known to dress a baby goat. And I used to raise goats and delivered many kids so I know whereof I speak. These jackets are so luxurious, but inexpensive. I love these jackets but, sadly, they are destined for the "Diabetes Society" clothing bin. They are comfortable, soft, well-fitted, tailored and attractive but they have to go! I've tried for months to get used to them but it just won't happen.

I can not tolerate the DOUBLE POCKETS! Who is the fashionista who dreamed up these insidious, vexing and infuriating adds-on to what would otherwise be highly desirable articles of clothing? One of these pockets is zippered and the other is not. Any article for which one reaches is in the zippered pouch of the damnable duo. If it is not in the zippered pouch then the zipper must be open and the back of the hand that has reached in scrapes rudely across the tiny, sharp teeth. Whatever I need or want from these pockets is never in the one I reach first. What is the use of these? They are frustrating and aggravating, so, as much as I do love them, they've got to go.

I'm just too P'd O. I'm too P'd O. That is correct. Think about it. What does P.O.'d mean? Nothing. P'd O would be correct. Take mother-in-law, governor-general and court-martial. There would be two mothers-in-law, governors-general or courts-martial. If your mother-in-law owns a car it's your mother-in-law's car. It's the governor-general's house and the court-martial's venue. Nobody knows how to use apostrophes these days. They are used for possessive cases, some plural possessives and contractions. That is the lady's car. Those are the ladies' cars. Don't take any wooden nickles. There is no apostrophe in a simple plural case.

Remember when Timmy used to say to his Mom, "Porky and me are going over to the old well and we'll try not to fall in?" Mom always corrected him and said, "Porky and "I" are going to the old well and it's O.K. if you fall in because Lassie will come and get Gramps and me to rescue you." Mom used "me" correctly, in the objective case.

Why Are You So Shocked?

Shocked - Should Hydro Ontario Covertly Kindle Electrical Demand ?

How shocking is it really that Hydro rates are going up? It's hardly even news it happens with such certainty and regularity. All the experts keep telling us that we have to pay what it costs. So, now along with debt servicing charges (all electrical puns intended) from the old Ontario Hydro and delivery charges (Canada Post would be cheaper) and line losses we now will have to fork up "Time of Use" charges, HST and a Green Energy incentive, surcharge or whatever.

Are you smarter than a "Smart Meter?" Can you outwit that whirligig bolted to the outside wall? You might have a better chance if it stopped flashing so fast. It's like a VLT, the numbers keep flashing in a bewildering blur but there's never a payout. So this new meter will help us plan our Hydro consumption and make us aware of off-peak bonanzas that await us. By the way weekends are all off peak so we can start by doing all our cooking for the week on Saturday and Sunday. That should all go in the freezer but if you time it right things won't start to go bad until next weekend. Should do the laundry then too I suppose. Wow those dishes really pile up over the week, we should do those. That birdhouse project your daughter was supposed to take to school last week could be done now too. The time lock is off the power saw. Is it Monday morning already? Time to throw the big switch on the panel again.

No. You can't outsmart the Smart Meter. Shocked? Everything About Hydro is Shocking.

Copyright 2010 by the Stargeazer

Why Are You So Puzzled? (7)

Answers for Puzzle #6

Across:

3. Grotto

5. Lockers

7. Arthur

Down:

1. Eric

2. Horse

4. Gleam

6. Emus

Movie: CAROUSEL

IT"S TOUGH TO BE A LIBERAL THESE DAYS

(To the tune of It's Tough to be a Liberal These Days by M. Nitsch 2004.)

It's tough to be a Liberal these days,
Tougher than swimmin' upstream,
You thought today you might get to vote
But it turned out to be just a dream.

If I were a Liberal here's what I would do
I'd take off my hands one-by-one
'Cause if I couldn't vote for the left or the right
Then I can't be blamed for who won.

Then I'd take those hands to a rally I'd host
And I'd find out where both speakers stand
I'd get in between so it's easy for me
To give Stephen and Mike both a hand.

And it's tough to be a Liberal these days
The Whip doesn't care where you're at,
You try to be a good MP so
You go to him with hand in hat.

It's tough to be a Liberal these days
Tougher than swimmin' upstream,
You thought today you might get to vote
But you woke up and found it a dream.

But just try to imagine how tough it is to be Conservative right now!

Why Are You So Flightly?

Living in the country puts one through a particular experience city-dwellers don't usually have to face. This is the scourge know as CLUSTER FLIES. As the name implies, when conditions are right  the sun heats windows, doors, frames and trim on the warm days of False Spring and Indian Summer,  Hundreds of flies emerge from wherever they happen to have been hiding  and buzz around  on windows in huge clusters.  During the day when they emerge their metabolism seems to accelerate so much that most are dead before afternoon tea.Then there's the problem of cleaning up all those dead and many not-so-dead  flies. Usually the vacuum cleaner does a good job of that.


For the first time, a few years ago, we had virtually no cluster flies for at least two seasons in a row.  Instead we had hundreds of Ladybugs or as they are more properly called, ladybird beetles. But it seems that these benign and even friendly looking beetles are an imported species run amok on this continent after some well-meaning entomologist set them loose on some unsuspecting prey.  Apparently it is possible to tell the foreign species  from the domestic by the number of spots on its back. I have seen beetles with 0, 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10 or more spots and I don't have the foggiest notion which might be the domestic variety. There was one that seemed to respond to "bonjour" but that could have been domestic or continental. It is apparent though, that when the beetles are around the flies are not or at least the flies appear in much, much smaller numbers. It seems that the beetles do the job for which they were imported, to eat the eggs and larvae of the pests. Purists would say that all the foreign beetles should be rounded up and deported  but they should be welcomed and encouraged with  a hearty "bon appetite!" Anything that helps control those cluster flies is welcome in my country.


Copyright 2010 The Stargeazer

Why Are You So Touchy?

ANN COULTER: 

A Nother Neo-Con Ostensibly Uses Logic To Expound "Righteousness"

There isn't much more to say about Ann Coulter except to wish that her charisma and obvious literary and oratory skills could be used to really help people instead of just helping her to become a latter-day William F. Buckley Jr. in a miniskirt. 

Crocodiles have been around since the time of the dinosaurs and in fact are direct descendants of them. Since they are so tough-mouthed it's almost impossible to have a reasoned debate with one especially when it's hungry for attention and smells blood. They might usually look a bit slow and lumbering but watch that National Geographic special again, the one about the wildebeest  migration and the rest stop at the ole watering hole. You just can't trust anything or anyone with that many white teeth. What else is there to say?

Copyright 2010 The Stargeazer

Why Are You So Disappointed?

False Spring

"April is the cruelest month," T.S. Eliot wrote in his 1922 poem, The Wasteland. Eliot did not know about global warming so it is only possible to speculate what he may have thought of, "March is the cruelest month." Whatever the month surely its cruelty is in what it seems to promise, a warm sunny Spring  but then rips away just as we begin to savour it. 

The snowdrops are  just about open at the base of the red maple. The silver maples have that reddish haze over their crowns. 
Crocus and daffodils near the south end of thee house reach for the warmth that is both collected and reflected by the stones of the foundation. Robins are finding worms slowly creeping out of their thawing tunnels.Boots and parka have been moved to the hall closet and have been replaced with leather shoes on the mat and a windbreaker on the coat rack by the door. The windshield scraper is in the trunk along with the empty container of windshield washer fluid. All these and temperatures in the mid-to-high teens are sure and certain signs of spring that have been with us for at least four or five days now. And the snow is virtually gone! The thermostat has even been turned back a few degrees.


Then  you wake and feel chilled. It's dark still since Daylight Savings Time just started a few days ago. But looking at the window blind there seems to be more light  coming in around the edges than there should be. If you don't look it could be that the 10 centimeters of snow aren't really there. You don't need more than slippers and a windbreaker to go out to get the scraper and washer fluid. That snow is really cold on the feet as you try to get to the car so it can warm up a bit.  The robins are at the bird feeder making do with sunflower seeds and millet. All the would-bloom flowers are covered in that white blanket.


It was just one of Nature's cruelties, False Spring, those five days of hope. It doesn't matter what month it strikes, March or April. At least each False Spring brings us that much closer to the real thing 

Copyright 2010 The Stargeazer

Why Are You So Loonie?

"OK you guys pay attention.  Where are we going? I Don't know. Let's vote on it. No way, we might win!

Speaking of the Conservatives,  it seems they have manipulated the media into thinking the Afghan Detainees issue is about public . disclosure of the documents. Not so. The Government is in contempt of Parliament because it refuses to hand over the documents requested by the Parliamentary Committee on Afghanistan to that Committee. There are no National Security issues in that case. No one on the Opposition side has said it wants public disclosure. The Opposition wants the Committee to see the relevant documents. It will then be up to the Committee to decide on the degree of disclosure to the public.

Frustration just continues to build as the Opposition parties try to  convince the Canadian public that they really are OPPOSED but they do not have the political courage to actually do something about it.  There must be some issue over which the Opposition would fight an election. What do you suppose it is? It';s not prorogation. It's not the Throne Speech or the ensuing Budget. Fans of "A Christmas Story" may like to see a "Triple Dog Dare"  laid at the feet of one of the Leaders. Surely they would have to act on that. You can't back down from a "Triple Dog Dare" and still hold your head up on The Hill.

LOON: Lord Of Our North
LOONIE: Lording Over Our National Interest; Exchange

What happened? When did it happen? I don't remember being away anywhere. Why didn't someone tell me?  Oh, it might have been in the middle of that unfortunately timed Alien abduction thing. My right armpit was quite sore for a time and that can redirect anyone's attention. The point is, when did THEY put an imitation of Daffy Duck on our one dollar coin? The date on the first one I received was 2008 but I first got one this month. That bird is positively deranged. Loons will flap their wings when sitting on the water. They might even splash a bit when they do so but they do not grin about it. They do not make spectacles of themselves. They are Canadian and they show decorum. What was wrong with the noble loon on our first one dollar coin, the namesake of The Loonie? This new thing does not even strike one as being finished.. It looks like it should be struck again and again and again. 

If all this bothers you as much as it does me, do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT look at the portrait on the obverse side. I said NOT!!! Our monarch is Her Royal Majesty Elizabeth II, I thought. But look! I know I said not to. Why are we looking at Charlton Heston with a big hairpiece as the young Moses in the court of the Pharaoh?

Change sucks! 


Copyright 2010 The Stargeazer