Why Are You So Unobservant?

"Notice anything different?"
That phrase strikes terror in the hearts of most men. Where? What? Who? This is our house, right? My chair is still here, stains and all. I love that chair. TV is still hanging there. That was a snap putting that sucker up there, all 84 inches of her. Good thing I had those 8" lag bolts. I love that TV. Fridge is running. It took a long time to find that fridge. No drawers in it. Three full bottle-height shelves. I love that fridge!
"Aw come on. This is a stupid game. I don't notice anything new or different. Just tell me."
"No. Just one guess."
"OK. You finally got rid of the Velvet Elvis?"
"That's been gone for years! Try again."
"You said one guess."
"Just one more."
"You cleaned out the dryer lint filter."
"Nooooo! "
"I repainted the house."
"Oh yah. Any beer? Game's on."

Only one other question is more terrifying. "Notice anything different about ME?" You really should try to find out what brought this on. How unobservant and inattentive have you been that she would come out with that? There's almost no defense. You could try, "You've lost weight." But if she hasn't she'll hurt you with, "So you think I need to lose weight?" About the only thing left for you is, "Do you suppose the indigestion and pain in my chest has anything to do with my sore left arm?" That will give you the whole length of the ambulance ride to try to figure out what to say.

Why Are You So Spaced-Out?

It flew right here above us boy,
Maybe a rocket or a toy,
And it was Screechin' 'cross the sky,
Or was that Screechin' really I?

The rumour mill is grindin' grist
The PMO is really pissed
That news of Senators today
Seems to have just been whisked away.

And cries of UFO are heard
But that command is getting blurred
Now things are nasty on the Hill
As if the House was sitting, still.

The speculation will go on
What was that blasted thing at dawn?
Could the PM and PC be mad
And jointly launched their new iSad?

Copyright 2010 by Stargeazer

Why Are You So Cynical?

There seems to have been some contradictory evidence about the identity of the birds posted in a photo on Jan. 23, 2010. They were identified as Bohemian waxwings and it was suggested by some that they were actually Cedar waxwings. According to Cornell Laboratory of Ornithology Bohemian waxwings have rufous undertails. You can't argue with the rufous undertail
Observe the photo at right. One thing I know for sure. They were all females. They all went to the bathroom together.

So, Apple has unveiled the iPad. Are Apple users thinking, "i'll Pay Again, Dearly?" That reminds me of a little game you may like to. try. Take an ordinary word, noun or verb or whatever and imagine it is an acronym. Try to think of words that could make up that acronym and also give a sense of the meaning or of a feature of the word . Here's another example. Someone working with a BUDGET might be, Buying Under Duress (and) Great Economic Threat. Articles and prepositions may or may not be used in the acronym as you wish. Here's one for VACATION. Varied And Costly Activity, Travelling In Other Nations. Or you may have a COMPUTER like this. Can't Operate Mine Properly Unless Toggling Extra Reboots. Give it a try and post your best effort.

Why Are You So Confused?

Allow me to clear up a few things for you.

It's not very complicated and doesn't take a lot of your time. If you haven't donated to Haiti relief yet go to the nearest mirror and see if you can stand to look at yourself.

Remember when English grammar was taught in school and parts of speech were important? Prorogue is a verb or an action word that Archie Bunker may have used in the context of, "Prorogue yourself Edith." Pro is an adjective and is an abbreviation of professional, meaning highly skilled. Rogue is a noun and means a mischievous person. A Pro Rogue is a Prime Minister. More grammar lessons to come.

If you're going to "Pie" someone you should at least have the decency to use an appropriate flavour. This means that tofu should never be used, ever, for anything except "safe" hockey pucks. (I would still have all my teeth if we'd had tofu hockey pucks when I was a kid.) Shouldn't PETA have opted for a suitable flavour for a Minister of the Crown in charge of the seal hunt? Something like seal flipper pie would have made the point much more strongly and would have been less offensive.

Speaking of hockey, you know you don't have to like it to be Canadian, eh? There are no hockey questions on the Citizenship test.

Quitting smoking may be the hardest thing you will ever do but it will be the most rewarding for yourself and all those friends and family around you. Whatever you may be going through right now remember that you only want to go through it once. Don't quit more than once.

Why Are You So Stand-offish?

We're
supposed

to
mate

for
life.


It could

be a

short marriage.


Copyright 2010 Stargeazer

WhyAre You So Puzzled?

Anyone who is trying to quit smoking knows that any activities which break the regular routine are beneficial to the quitter. Try a "Minicross" puzzle which is solved like any crossword puzzle, with an added feature. When all the words have been entered according to the clues provided, the circled letters that are common to crossing words can be unscrambled to form another word or phrase. The final answer to the puzzle may be a song, book or movie title, a famous name, a place, a common phrase, word or well-known saying. From time to time there will be a mini-cryptic for those who are so inclined. Have fun! Answers will be given next Monday Feb. 4, 2010.

Copyright 2010 Stargeazer.

Why are you so transient?

It's too bad these Bohemian waxwings don't stay around longer. A flock of about 50 visited one day and stripped the flowering crab they invaded.

Copyright 2010 Stargeazer

Why are you so miserable?

You're getting paid. I'm standing here, fourth in the Express (1-8 Items) line and I'm worrying about whether I have 7 items or 13.What do you have to worry about? I'm definitely not getting paid for this. At least you're getting minimum wage. You could smile. That wouldn't cut into your wages. Looks like that customer you're serving now didn't expect to have to pay. Can't find her wallet. She should have got it out when she was 4th in line. There it is. Can she count fast? I'm 3rd in line now. You see, I have 2 kinds of apples and 2 of each kind, a loaf of bread, 3 cobs of corn, 2 tomatoes, a lettuce, a can of cat food and a package of frozen peas. How many items do I have? You look worse than before. Just miserable. Anything wrong? Price check in the Express (1-8 items) line. Couldn't he have grabbed a melon with a sticker on it? You're just standing there waiting for the produce guy to get one. Is that an annoyed look on your face? Or are you ill? Second place now. Actually I've never seen anyone removed from the Express(1-8 items) line but all those people behind are giving me such dirty looks. You could smile. $4.77? Could you use some change? Those are mostly pennies in that zip-lock! Do they still teach arithmetic? You should really smile. It's my turn! "Hi Dad." Big smile. "Hi sweetie. How's it going?"

Copyright 2010 Stargeazer